The Beginning of the Story

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– There are many potential beginnings to this tale.

– It could be at the point where I first understood what masturbation is, or at the point where I first tried it with a soap.

– It could be at the point where I first touched another man’s penis, which was forced to me while I was sleeping.

– It could be at the point where I started to read and watch gay stories and porns, painfully accessed and downloaded on a 56.6 kbps modem connection.

– It could be at the point where I started to watch and think more about guys than girls, even when I have a girlfriend and was having a lot of light sex with her.

– It could be at the point where I first had a romantic or sexual dreams with another guy, and woke up feeling sad that it was just a dream.

– It could be at the point where in the first event I was approached by a guy, asking for my phone number, to be a ‘friend’; or the second event where a guy masturbated in front of me when only both of us were left in the steam room; or the third event where another guy started to touch my face while standing really close to me in the steam room. All of this happened at the gym that I have been going to.

– However I think that the appropriate beginning of this story is at the point where I decided to seek the true meaning of being myself. It was my decision to find the answer and confronting people like myself that I could consider the turn-of-event in my ever changing life.

– Today was the first day that I logged on to #SayangAbang, a Malaysian-based DALnet IRC channel for gay, bi, and curious men to chat. It was a totally new experience for me. I was lost at what to┬átalk about on the main channel, whom to talk to, and what are the etiquette in conversation and such.

– And then I met Joseph on the channel. At first, I was just responding to his mumbling on the main channel. Then we started to chat privately, before we exchanged Facebook contact. Then he called me – my number was present on my Facebook profile – and we talked on the phone. For more than an hour.

– At that point of time, I have crossed the border of denial, and actually admitting to someone my true feelings for something that is not a norm to this society of mine. And to have someone to share it with was the greatest joy of all.

– Joseph is my first gay friend, and this is the beginning of my story.

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